Walking a Mindfield With A Blindfold On!

By Jay Cradeur

April 21, 2007

Samadhi_Energy

“A most astounding phenomenon has happened to us; we have had an experience which makes Love, fame, rank, ambition, wealth, look like thirty cents; and we begin to wonder passionately, “What is truth?” The Universe has tumbled about our ears like a house of cards, and we have tumbled too. Yet this ruin is like the opening of the Gates of Heaven! Here is a tremendous problem, and there is something within us which ravins for its solution.”

Book 4 by Aleister Crowley

I am getting somewhere, and I don’t know where. Brothers and sisters, do you know what I am talking about? Things are moving real fast, faster than one can realistically keep track. So fast that I have to let go. I remember playing on playgrounds when I was young. There was this one round playground toy that we would get on, and we’d spin it around as fast as we could, and hold on for dear life. I remember, even then, wondering what it would be like to let go, and just let my legs wrap around the bars, while my head and my experience was getting whipped around untethered. Obliteration. Freedom.

The details of transformation cease to be of interest. The feelings of transformation, that is what I am after. If I feel it, it is real, and I am changed, transformed, more merged, less definite, more spacious. It’s that feeling of being one with the universe. It’s that feeling of letting go, and trusting. It is the lack of trust that is the guard dog at the wall. It is the ego’s persistent demand to “look at me” that keeps us from merging with the divine. For truth be told, I won’t be doing any merging with the divine if there is an untrained and undisciplined ego in tow. That is where the hard work comes in. This is where the choices we make have an undeniable and resolute impact on our experience of the here and now.

As I clean out my body of toxins (and mucoid plaque – see The Cleanse), I notice my vibration increasing. I am beginning to feel my energy and the energy of others rather clearly. Feeling called to meditate more, I am noticing how useless my mind is in matters of energy and vibration and inner guidance. The mind only gets me in trouble. I use to think I understood about vibrations, and spoke about energy like I knew what I was talking about. But now I know a bit more of what I didn’t know that I didn’t know. Always humbling. Methinks I should keep my big yapper shut, but me also thinks these words do benefits others, regardless of how foolish I may seem at times.

The mind, the ego, thinking, figuring things out, are all such masculine qualities. Certainly, in the human, living in the dream reality these are brilliants tools to possess. But I notice for the larger context questions of being, of life’s purpose, of connecting to God, of opening my heart, of dissolving, and of courageously moving forward without clear direction nor support, these are matter best served by the power of silence, the power of inner listening, yes, the power of a man or woman walking through a minefield, and rather than look on the ground for clues, instead puts on a blindfold and feels for guidance, and steps forward in a place of deep reverence and trust. For if there is to be obliteration, then let it be. Let it be!

I am a man. I am profoundly attracted to obliteration. I feel like Captain Ahab as he sees the white whale… “Ah death is near.” I can feel it. Sweet imminent destruction. I feel obliteration as we approach another Grail event. I feel obliteratin as I meditate for another hour and quiet my mind to nothingness. I feel it as I deny myself food for a week, and my ego gets tired and withers away, even if only for a few bliss filled days. I feel the obliteration as I sit to watch a wonderful movie that takes me away. I cease to exist, if only for an hour or two. I feel it as night falls, energy swirls and I light candles throughout my temple home, and burn incense, and sit while gods and the angels, my guardians, speak to me.

I recently wandered into the local Copperfield used book store, and found a book of such impact. The book is Book 4 by Aleister Crowley. I tried reading some Crowley books while in England some years back and didn’t appreciate them. Now I find his words touch me right where I live. I will share some of his words which I underlined while reading:

“No, there is no use for pride!”

“Consciousness itself is only destroyed by Samadhi.”

“There is one truth, and only one. All other thoughts are false.”

“He will recognize that any thought merely establishes a relation between the Ego and the non-Ego.”

“And so we find once more that the Ego-idea must be ruthlessly rooted out before Understanding can be attained.”

“It is only necessary to believe that a thing must be to bring it about.”

“You cannot argue with a flash of lightning which has knocked you down.”

“The best vow, and that of most universal application, is the vow of Holy Obedience; for not only does it lead to perfect freedom, but is a training in that surrender which is the last task.”

Surrender is the last task… Powerful words. It is so contrary to the way men are raised in our society. “Be strong, withhold your emotions, be resolute, defend, protect, blah blah blah.” Something much bigger than our little lives here on Earth is happening all around us. It is a symphonic orgasm of light and sound. That is where the real game is being played, and that is where the bigger lessons are to be learned. We are of such insignificance. We are but specks of, well, … I don’t know of what anymore. I do know that “it” is something worth devoting my life to. I know that to even begin to understand the enormity of existence, the grandeur of the universe, is pure child’s play if not arrogant folly.

But, let me say this, something is shifting, and my awareness of the bigger happening is expanding dramatically. Do you know what I am talking about? Are you in the game? Or am I speaking Greek to you. It is time to catch up! I may not understand what is happening, but I can sure feel it. There is a trust I have never known. I am cradled in Her arms. There is a feeling of surrender which is a salve to my soul. I will keep my blindfold on, for with it, I am beginning to see with a vision that has magic in it.

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