This morning I woke up to find my Internet connection down. I had a plan this morning. My plan was to continue working on my new business website. So much for plans. I seem to be learning that plans need to be somewhat loose and malleable. Fixed and rigid no longer work.    The purpose of the plan is to point me in a general direction.  Water provides an excellent analogy. Water flows down the river. When a huge boulder is dropped in the path of the water, the water adjusts and goes around the rock. It is a change in plans, but the direction, or flow, of the river continues. The objective remains the same; only the strategy changes. In the end, the water gets to where it is going.

This raises the question: Where are we going? Given the water analogy, that seems a very pertinent question to explore.

When I left my Sebastopol home for Boston, I brought only twenty books. I had amassed a collection of several hundred, but decided to sell all of them save the twenty. Among the books I was guided to keep, there was Book 4 by Aleister Crowley. I knew little of Aleister Crowley. One of the few things I knew of him when I bought the book at the Copperfield’s used book store was that Jimmy Page, guitarist for Led Zeppelin (and my teenage rock star god!), was obsessed with him, eventually buying Aleister Crowley’s home in England. My teacher some ten years ago, Stuart Wilde, told me to stay away from Aleister Crowley, for he was into black magic.

Magick, Liber ABA, Book 4 is widely considered to be the magnum opus of 20th century occultist Aleister Crowley, the founder of Thelema. It is a lengthy treatise on Magick, his system of Western occult practice, synthesized from many sources, including Eastern Yoga, Hermeticism, medieval grimoires, contemporary magical theories from writers like Eliphas Levi and Helena Blavatsky, and his own original contributions. It consists of four parts: Mysticism, Magick (Elementary Theory), Magick in Theory and Practice, and ΘΕΛΗΜΑ—the Law (The Equinox of The Gods). It also includes numerous appendices presenting many rituals and explicatory papers. In November 1911, Crowley carried out a ritual during which he reports being commanded to write Book 4 by a discarnate entity named “Abuldiz”. This was duly accomplished at a villa in Posilippo near Naples, and was published in the winter of 1912-3.  (www.wikipedia.com)

Last week, on Sunday, I was drawn to pick up Book 4 and read it. Book 4, Parts 1 and 2, is an instructional book on the development and uses of magic tools such as altars, wands, swords, oils and pentagrams. However, sprinkled throughout the book are some very potent words that stirred my soul, so to speak. You see, I consider myself to be a very strange and most bizarre being. When I read “new age” type books, my predominant thoughts “that’s bullshit” or “that’s only part of the story” or “that’s now how it really is” etc. When I read a book that truly resonates with my experiences, I feel a warmth in my heart. I feel something like “Ahh, there you go, someone who gets it!”

The best vow, and that of most universal application, is the vow of Holy Obedience; for not only does it lead to perfect freedom, but it is training in that surrender which is the last task.

Lately, I have been writing and speaking quite a bit about getting into alignment with the universe. Here, Aleister Crowley refers to this as the Vow of Holy Obedience. In taking this vow, one must painstakingly go through the process of ego decimation. For if one takes this vow seriously, there will be many instances of battle between the universe (or life) and the ego. My experience of losing the Internet this morning is but a minor example. Losing a job, or losing your wife to another man, or watching a loved one die of cancer, are more serious examples. At what point in ones life does one realize that fighting against nature is pointless and needlessly painful?  It is usually in times of great pain, inner conflict and strife. Surrendering to life, which Aleister Crowley refers to as the last task, doesn’t happen until I have delved into all my dark nooks and crannies and explored with a high powered search light every molecule of  my own bullshit.

Sacred Space

A most astounding phenomenon has happened to us; we have had an experience which makes Love, fame, rank, ambition, wealth, look like thirty cents; and we begin to wonder passionately, “What is truth?” The Universe has tumbled about our ears like a house of cards, and we have tumbled too. Yet this ruin is like the opening of the Gates of Heaven! Here is a tremendous problem, and there is something within us which ravins for its solution.

Have you been bitten yet? If you are reading this, you probably have been. If you have attended an intense men’s weekend, such as The Bridge or The Grail, you definitely have been. I see it like a snake bit. Imagine a rattlesnake, all coiled up and ready to strike. Then, suddenly and without warning, the snake bites hard and sticks it’s long venomous fangs into you. For some, the snake releases rather quickly. However for others, as was the case with me, the fangs don’t release, and in fact, feel broken off into my heart. For those of you, and you know who you are, the great search for truth has begun. Depending on the intensity of the bite, which at this point I feel is predominately determined by karma, absolutely nothing will stand in your way. Work and relationships may have to fall to the wayside.   So be it!  In fact, there will be times in which you will question your own sanity.  Seriously, I can still remember doing some crazy ass shit, and thinking to myself, “I am losing it!” As Morpheus said to Neo in the movie The Matrix: “Try to relax, this is going to feel pretty weird.” It is not much about rainbows and light (a popular misconception). Rather, it is an intense battle of the highest order to discover and destroy everything that is false.

In Burma, there is only one animal which the people will kill, Russell’s Viper; because, as they say, ‘either you must kill it or it will kill you; and it is a question of which sees the other first. Now any one idea which is The Idea must be treated in this fashion. When you have killed the snake you can use its skin, but as long as it is alive and free, you are in danger. And unfortunately the ego-idea, which is the real snake, can throw itself into a multitude of forms, each clothed in the most brilliant dress. Thus the devil is said to be able to disguise himself as an angel of light.

Under the strain of the magical vow this is terribly the case. No normal human being understands or can understand the temptations of the saints. An ordinary person with ideas like those which obsessed St. Patrick and St. Anthony would only be fit for an asylum. The tighter you hold the snake (which was previously asleep in the sun, the harmless enough, to all appearance), the more it struggles; and it is important to remember that your hold must tighten correspondingly, or it will escape and bite you.

Just as if you tell a child not to do a thing – no matter what – it will immediately want to do it, though otherwise the idea might never have entered its head, so it is with the saint. We have all of us these tendencies latent in us; of most of them we might remain unconscious all our lives – unless they were awakened by our Magick. They lie in ambush. And every one must be awakened, and every one must be destroyed. Every one who signs the oath of a Probationer is stirring up a hornet’s nest.

A man has only to affirm his conscious aspiration; and the enemy is upon him.

The phrase that tunes me in to the truth of these words is “everyone must be awakened, and every one must be destroyed”. These words can easily be misinterpreted by the uninitiated. But taken in context, Aleister Crowley is speaking about the battle, the battle with one’s self. It is one’s self, one’s ego, one’s perception of the other, which is the enemy. Once bitten, “the enemy is upon him”. To have a pristine experience of the ingenuity of the enemy, watch the movie Revolver directed by Guy Ritchie. It is all there: strategy, tactics, deceptions, falsehoods and ultimate surrender.

The Magician must build all that he has into his pyramid; and if that pyramid is to touch the stars, how broad must be the base! There is no knowledge and no power which is useless to the Magician. One might almost say there is no scrap of material in the whole Universe with which he can dispense. His ultimate enemy is the great Magician, the Magician who created the whole illusion of the Universe; and to meet him in battle, so that nothing is left either of him or of yourself, you must be exactly equal to him.

The part of this excerpt that touches me is the deception of The Magician. The Magician is me and you. We magically convince ourselves that all of this world is real. We work as a magician against ourselves. This is hard to get your head around. That little voice inside your head is not really you. That little voice that reassures you, that comforts you, that seems to support you, it’s all a house of cards. And once bitten, the initiate begins the painstaking process of dismantling the house of cards, one card at a time. Each time a man unearths a falsehood, that clarity becomes a brick in the pyramid. As more cards fall to the wayside, a momentum begins to build. Soon, every single incident or thought, contributes to the demise of the self. There is nothing that will any longer support the falsehood of the illusion.

Surrendering

There is no power which cannot be pressed into the service of the Magical Will; it is only the temptation to value that power for itself which offends.

Aleister Crowley is here, I believe, referring to the ego’s desire to own. This, for me, is one of the most difficult aspects of the path, the willingness to accept one’s true and accurate place in this world. There is no power which can be owned. There is no gift which can be owned. There is no accomplishment that can be owned. If one is truly to accept the analogy of the hollow bone, how can one feel anything but gratitude for a display of power. Pride and prejudice have no place here. Holding the feeling of “master of the universe” is a sure recipe for a hard fall from grace. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. Someone said something like… one won’t be blessed with power until one will be responsible with the power. However, as I look at the world, I don’t see this to be the case. Being granted power, as I see it, is a test of the universe to see just where you stand. Blow up and spread your feathers like a peacock, and the power will leave lickity split. Honor the power, be grateful for the power, share it only when called upon, and more power will be granted. It is that power, treated with respect and honor, which the initiate will need to build the pyramid. It is that power, not owned and claimed as one’s own, which will fortify the initiate in the battle with the Great Magician, with himself.  It’s kind of funny isn’t it?  It is all an internal battle.

Of the methods of destroying various deep-rooted ideas there are many. The best is perhaps the method of equilibrium. Get the mind into the habit of calling up the opposite to every thought that may arise. In conversation always disagree. See the other man’s arguments; but, however much your judgment approves them, find the answer. Let this be done dispassionately; the more convinced you are that a certain point of view is right, the more determined you should be to find proofs that it is wrong. If you have done this thoroughly, these points of view will cease to trouble you; you can then assert your own point of view with the calm of a master, which is more convincing than the enthusiasm of a learner.

I found this passage particularly affirming. Lately I have been monitoring my judgments. I have noticed the propensity of the human race to classify virtually every experience as good or bad. “How are you doing? Good!” “How was your day? Great.” It is very subtle, and when you start to really listen, it is everywhere, standing as a part of our human dialogue. How does one break through this falsehood, and begin to realize there can’t be good or bad experiences, but only experiences?  How does one come to accept that this day is just like the last day, with only ones’ judgment determining the level of joy or contentment one feels? Waiting in lines is a great example. Seems no one likes to wait in lines, as if they have something so much more important or rewarding to do. I have seen many become so indignant because they had to wait 15 minutes to apply for a driver’s license. To exacerbate the point, why is waiting in line so deplorable, while making love so desirable?  To take Aleister Crowley’s advice, try to argue that waiting in line is the highest of human ideals, while making love is akin to having one’s fingernails slowly peeled off from the skin. It’s all judgment and perception. Experience is experience. There is nothing better than anything else unless we say so.

From this one is tempted to break a lance on that most ancient battlefield, free-will and destiny. But even though every man is “determined” so that every action is merely the passive resultant of the sum-total of the forces which have acted upon him from eternity, so that his own Will is only the echo of the Will of the Universe, yet that consciousness of “free-will” is valuable; and if he really understands it as being the partial and individual expression of that internal motion in a Universe whose sum is rest, by so much will he feel that harmony, that totality.

And though the happiness which he experiences may be criticized as only one scale of a balance in whose other scale is an equal misery, there are those who hold that misery consists only in the feeling of separation from the Universe, and that consequently all may cancel out among the lesser feelings, leaving only that infinite bliss which is one phase of the infinite consciousness of the ALL. Such speculations are somewhat beyond the scope of the present remarks. It is of no particular moment to observe that the elephant and the flea can be no other than they are; but we do perceive that one is bigger than the other. That is the fact of practical importance.

As I wrap this up with the final two excerpts, this one addresses the illusion of free will. A friend of mine asked me a question recently about free will. My answer was this… If I am in a boat, floating down the river, and suddenly I see the big boulder in the water which I referred to earlier, what do I do? Well, it seems I have a choice, an opportunity to display my free will. I can either crash into the boulder, or I can row my boat off to the side, and avoid the boulder. Here in lies the illusion of free will, for with either choice, I am going to continue down the river.

There is one truth, and only one. All other thoughts are false.

The illusion of my heart, the falsehood of my belief in redemption, sing loudly, a siren song of clarity. There is no other. Undo the false. Shed the bullshit. Dig as deep as necessary till there isn’t anything left. The only way to the bottom is through the dark bottomless pit. How bad to you want it? Do you think you have a choice? Where is the universe leading you? Are you paying attention? Are you listening?

Aleister Crowley

Knock Knock. The Great Magician is at the door!  It’s not him…

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Following are a few excerpts from the book, Hagakure, The Book of the Samurai, which was written in 1710. Hagakure is filled with so many timeless pearls of wisdom. Following are but a few samples.

On trusting innate masculine direction…

In the words of the ancients, one should make his decisions within the space of seven breaths. Lord Takanobu said, “If discrimination is long, it will spoil.” Lord Naoshige said, “When matters are done leisurely, seven out of ten will turn out badly. A warrior is a person who does things quickly.” When your mind is going hither and thither, discrimination will never be brought to a conclusion. With an intense, fresh, and undelaying spirit, one will make his judgments within the space of seven breaths. It is a matter of being determined and having the spirit to break right through to the other side.

On the power of silence….

It is bad to carry even a good thing too far. Even concerning things such as Buddhism, Buddhist sermons, and moral lessons, talking too much will bring harm.

On being ego-less…

While walking along the road together, Tsunetomo said, “Is not man like a well-operated puppet? It is a piece of dexterous workmanship that he can run, jump, leap, and even talk though there are no strings attached. Will we not be guests at next year’s Bon Festival? This world is vanity indeed. People always forget this.”

On the power of your edge…

Lord Naoshige said, “The Way of the Samurai is in desperateness. Ten men or more cannot kill such a man. Common sense will not accomplish great things. Simply become insane and desperate. “In the Way of the Samurai, if one uses discrimination, he will fall behind. One needs neither loyalty nor devotion, but simply to become desperate in the Way. Loyalty and devotion are of themselves within desperation.

On discipline and the power of death…

This is the substance of the Way of the Samurai. If by setting one’s heart right every morning and evening, one is able to live as though his body were dead, he gains freedom in the Way. His whole life will be without blame, and he will succeed in his calling.

On rigorous inquiry…

It is not good to settle into a set of opinions. It is a mistake to put forth effort and obtain some understanding and then stop at that. At first putting forth great effort to be sure that you have grasped the basics, then practicing so that they may come to fruition is something that will never stop for your whole lifetime. Do not rely on following the degree of understanding that you have discovered, but simply think, “This is not enough.” One should search throughout his whole life how best to follow the Way. And he should study, setting his mind to work without putting things off. Within this is the Way.

On seizing opportunity…

When one has made a decision to kill a person, even if it will be very difficult to succeed by advancing straight ahead, it will not do to think about going at it in a long roundabout way. One’s heart may slacken, he may miss his chance, and by and large, there will be no success. The way of the Samurai is one of immediacy, and it is best to dash in headlong.

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A Tribe of One

Recently, I attended a men’s event called The Grail in Kansas City, MO. In the event, there was a young man in his twenties who, until this time, hadn’t felt the freedom to express his true feelings.  He spoke of how his friends, and various girls he had approached to go out on a date, treated him with disdain. In a beautiful expression of rage, he screamed out “Fuck em all!” I do love to see those moments of clarity, rare as they are. Later in the event, I had a chance to acknowledge this young man. I said “I honor your willingness to walk your own path. Like you, I am a tribe of one.” A friend of mine asked me about that comment, and I did not respond at the time. Now, I see this same type of rage building in my own family, and I reminded of the truth of my statement: “I am a tribe of one.”

“In what concerns you much, do not think that you have companions: know that you are alone in the world.”
Henry David Thoreau

This is one real bitch of a lesson.

From the day I was born, I was led to believe I was a member of many tribes. First, there was the tribe of my family. Next, there was the tribe of my religion. Every Sunday my family would go to Mass and celebrate a ritual in honor of this tribe. Then there were the tribes of my school mates, my friends, and even of my pets. I belonged. It felt good to belong. Somehow it felt safe and secure to be surrounded by like minded individuals (and a dog named Rascal).

In my experience, so much of life is about un-learning. In my early twenties, I soon realized I was absolutely not a part of the Catholic Church tribe. Too many rules. So many things simply didn’t make any sense when contrasted to my experience of life. However, when I declared my resignation from the tribe, I was met with a strong voice from my family, a voice of disapproval. I have come to learn that when one leaves the tribe, the remaining tribe members display a wide range of emotions of upset: anger, sadness, fear, and confusion. Dealing with this disapproval, and understanding it’s deep, underlying and dark roots, is a seminal piece of the life long process of waking up. It forces one inward.

Next, again in my twenties, I determined that being married simply was something I could no longer do. I had been married for 7 years, had two children, and was completely miserable. Of course, looking back, I can now see that the misery was my own, and that blaming it on my wife was very childish. But at the time, my reality was such that I believed changing my external world would impact my internal world, and moving on was the right decision.

Well, here again, getting a divorce brings up a titanic deluge of disapproval, not only from close family members, but from anyone who is married. I was the first in my family to get a divorce. My parents are still married, as are my two brothers. It is not too strong to say that my divorce created such a rift in my family, that my membership was temporarily revoked. I was no longer a part of the tribe of my immediate family. I was not invited to Thanksgiving, nor was I spoken to. It was some months later that my father approached me and rekindled communication. I have never felt the same about my family. Whatever happened during this time, I was no longer a part of the tribe. And again, I learned how the other tribe members respond when one of their own either breaks the rules or leaves.

Just yesterday, I was taking a day off from work and watching an episode of “The Sopranos.”   Tony Soprano was talking to Christopher (his nephew) and explaining to him how friends will always let you down. “In the end, it is only family that you can count on.” I would have to say that Tony Soprano is wrong, and when pushed hard enough, friends and family will not be there. In the end, there is only the tribe of one.

Now there is yet another tribe which attracts those who have rejected various tribes such as religion, marriage, government and family. It is deceptive, for when you join this tribe; it feels like you really belong.  It is the tribe of no-tribe of which Stuart Wilde coined the phrase “fringe dwellers.” I hang out with a few groups that loosely fall into this classification. In my home town of Sebastopol, California, you see the green tribes everywhere. Many tribe members even wear a sort of uniform to let everyone know they have exited the mainstream, and live a supposed life of freedom from all the “bullshit.” Hemp clothing is a big clue. Talking about crystals, moon phases, and the next music festival are also strong clues. However, here again, as I have often done, when I speak my truth, I get a strong dose of disapproval and ego-based self righteousness. Again, I am not a member of the tribe. I may enjoy playing with the members of this tribe the most, but I am not a member. I remain on the outside looking in, often wondering why I am the only one to see the farce of the security of the tribe.

Now let’s look at this from a deeper place. Why is there a need to be a part of a tribe? Where does the demanding desire to be secure come from? I would say it comes from a lack of trust. And that lack of trust comes from a profound ignorance. If one does not understand the nature of this reality, one will always be clinging to another, for there is the false belief there is another to cling to. This is pretty heavy stuff, certainly it will make most upset, but it must be said.

The God Fraud. Virtually all cultures on this planet have a belief is a supreme deity. Here in America, for the most part, we just refer to this being as God. Most are raised to believe in God. Political and religious institutions ram this belief down our throats from the day we are born. “God bless America.” It is even on our money: “In God We Trust.” The belief goes like this: There is a supreme being, and his (or her, if you are a member of the Goddess tribe) job is to listen to your prayers, and take care of you. The more you live your life a certain way, and follow the rules, the better your life will be. And if you can also honor his son, Jesus, well then you are in really good shape. All your troubles will melt away. Hence is born the God tribe. When all is lost and you are forlorn, you can always join up with God, and feel that safety and security for which most long. I have heard expressions like “I was saved!” or “I was born again!” to express the jubilation of joining the God tribe.

Now just on face value, these are all beliefs. Not one person who proclaims the word of God really knows for sure that they are either saved or born again, or for that matter, that they are going to some place called heaven. It is a belief, and there is only shaky evidence at best that any of this holds any merit. When I point this out to members of the God tribe, I am mocked and told I need to have faith. I must say that whoever invented faith really understood the game. Without faith, there is no God. With faith, there is God. So if I don’t buy into the god paradigm, I must need some faith. The problem is all mine, and those that have faith can get all self righteous in their feigned knowledge and security.

I don’t do faith. My mind simply won’t allow me any longer to believe in anything. If I experience something and know it to be true, then I have something to say. If anyone is going to tell me that I must believe, or trust, or have faith, then I will tell them they aren’t looking deep enough. There is no there…there. I have looked deep. I have a powerful innate drive to dig as deep as necessary into my seedy murky dark side to get to some truth. Superstitions don’t interest me. God is a superstition.

So what do I know to be true? My experience of my life is mine.

Hold on.

Just heard a sound in the living room. I went to see what happened. It sounded like something fell. I kid you not. My business partner had left a book on a shelf. That book has been sitting on the shelf for over a month. And then, just a few minutes ago, that book fell to the ground as I was writing this blog. The name of the book is “The Buddha In Daily Life” by Richard Causton. Synchronicity, when noticed, can bring me such a sense of joy and wonder. I went to the book and opened it to the page with the business card book mark. Here is what stands out:

The state of complete mental “not-being” described so graphically by Proust (and with characteristic scientific restraint by Professor Borbely) is highly significant, for it could point to a level of consciousness in “delta sleep” which is even deeper than that experienced when dreaming. If so, this suggest evidence for what Buddhism calls the ninth, or fundamental, pure consciousness. This can be described as “the very core of our life,” or the pure, undefiled and inexhaustible life-force of the universe. In Buddhism it is equated variously with myoho, chu, or the Middle Way, the true entity of life, Buddhahood, and Nam-myoho-renge-kyo. In other words, the ninth consciousness is the source of energy for all our mental and spiritual activity, and is the power behind the “mechanical” energy which causes our physical selves – our bodies – to function; in short, it is what sustains us throughout eternity. When we sleep, then, there may be periods when we are able to directly “tap into” this consciousness, the pure life-force of the universe inherent within us and of which we are a part. This would certainly account for how sleep restores our energy, since the life-force seems to come out of nowhere and miraculously revive our spiritual and physical organism.

Could it be that we are somehow “recharged by the universe” when we are asleep? The idea may not be as fanciful as it sound for, in quoting the following passage from the Chuang-tzu, a Chinese Taoist text of the third century BC, even Professor Borbely may have an inkling along these lines: “Everything is one; during sleep the soul, undistracted, is absorbed into this unity,’ when awake distracted, it sees the different beings.”

And it is exactly that distraction which brings about the illusion of others, and the subsequent desire to connect with others in a tribe in a search for our natural state of unity.    I marvel at the brilliance of the universe. Ain’t it cool! As a part of the universe, I feel my role, or the path of least resistance (and henceforth, suffering) is to get in alignment with the universe. I am constantly feeling into situations and circumstances. For example, let’s take this blog. During an event, I made a mindless comment about a tribe of one. Later, one of my brothers asked me about the comment. Then for a few weeks, the concept of a tribe of one kept resonating in my thoughts. At this point it seems clear I ought to sit down and write about it. And then, BAM!, a book falls to the ground. This book could have fallen days and weeks ago. But no, it fell at the exact moment of this writing. Not only am I writing what I feel to be true, but I am also learning from the universe in the form of a fallen book.

“One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do.” Three Dog Night

What a crock of shit! Last night, I downloaded Three Dog Night’s greatest hits. Here is more synchronicity. I downloaded the CD for the songs “Eli’s Coming” because there is a Sales Representative in my company named Eli, and for “Joy To The World” because I performed it during an 8th grade talent show. Taking a break from the writing, I remembered my download and hit the play button. The first song starts with the phrase “One is the loneliest number.”  Experiences like this use to seem weird and strange and I would want to share them with others, building my ego with comments about my expanded awareness. Now they seem common place. They are still very cool, but they happen all the time when I slow down and pay attention.

In my experience, it is true that there can be a tremendous amount of pain which accompanies separation from a tribe. A dear friend of mine is now going through a separation from her immediate family. As I see it, her energy has recently risen, and those who can’t handle the energy, are rejecting her. Not only is it a lesson in letting go, but in also honoring the powerful direction of the universe. Some things can’t be undone. You can’t un-pop a balloon. And why would you want to? Our powerlessness is complete and undeniable. There is a choice: I can row the boat in the direction of the current, or struggle and suffer and row against the current, all because I think I know what is best, or what is right. Who am I to judge? I am nobody.

“To realize your true nature, you must wait for the right moment and the right conditions. When the time comes, you are awakened as if from a dream.  You understand that what you have found is your own and doesn’t come from anywhere outside.”
Buddhist Sutra

I feel blessed, for I have had this moment. It happened some four years ago on a beach in Bodega Bay. When it happened, I knew it had happened. It is unmistakable. I knew that single moment in all my life experience was the culmination of a tremendous amount of work. No moment would ever match it. I was done, complete and ready to die. Yet here I am, so it seems the universe still has plans for me. I smoke because I like it. I eat what I like. I fuck who I like. When it is my time, call in the clowns. I have met only one other person who I believe to have had this experience, which Jed McKenna refers to as living with “abiding non-dual awareness.” I have seen a few on DVD, and read the words of others in books. Perhaps there are many out there and my awareness needs more fine tuning. I don’t know. I don’t care. The most preposterous tribe to even consider is one of the awakened. It’s anathema. Verboten. Ridiculous. If there is no other, how can there be a tribe?

I spend quite a bit of my time alone. People ask me if I ever get lonely. To deflect more questions, I reply with something like “I am weird, I just don’t get lonely.” This usually works to stop the line of questioning. You see, I have no interest in sharing my experiences, unless I am called upon to do so. When called, I answer, as is demonstrated by this blog. Bottom line, I am in love with my tribe of one. To experience oneness is to experience everything at once. I am a part of this computer, and my printer, and my candles and pictures. We share the same cells. We breath the same air. We are all 99% space, with little bits of matter spinning around at light speed. Could the illusion of solidity be any more transparent? I imagine myself in this reality as a sort of soup of cells mixed in with all the other soups of cells all swimming around it the ultimate bowl of cosmic soup.

In closing, I invited you to look at the tribes of which you feel you are a part. Can you interact with the tribe without being dependant on the tribe for your happiness? If not, then what is it within you that feels it needs anything whatsoever from another. Then the next question to ponder: Is there another? Another great question: If there is no other, then who am I? This is the question that will really get things moving.

More synchronicity from the universe. As I complete this blog, I am listening to the song Shambala:

Wash away my troubles, wash away my pain
With the rain in Shambala
Wash away my sorrow, wash away my shame
With the rain in Shambala

How does your light shine, in the halls of Shambala

Everyone is helpful, everyone is kind
On the road to Shambala
Everyone is lucky, everyone is so kind
On the road to Shambala

How does your light shine, in the halls of Shambala
I can tell my brother by the flowers in his eyes
On the road to Shambala
I can tell my sister by the flower in her ear
On the road to Shambala

After hearing this song, I googled Shambala and found the following:

It is the Shambhala view that every human being has a fundamental nature of goodness, warmth and intelligence. This nature can be cultivated through meditation, following ancient principles, and it can be further developed in daily life, so that it radiates out to family, friends, community and society.

In the course of our lives, this goodness, warmth and intelligence can easily become covered over by doubt, fear and egotism. We tend to fall into a kind of sleep or stupor, believing in the conditioning we have as the ultimate truth, and coming under the sway of fear. The journey of becoming fully human means seeing through fear and egotism, and waking up to our natural intelligence. It takes kindness—to ourselves and others—and courage, to wake up in this world. The journey of awakening is known as the path of the warrior, as it requires the simple bravery to look directly at one’s own mind and heart. www.shambhala.org

Arrogant bastard that I am, swirling in a sea of synchronicity, I am complete. Thank you for reading.

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Mastery is a state of being which puts an end to all suffering. It is our default state. Yet few, very few,  experience it. Why? Simple really… the road to mastery is strewn with suffering. One cannot become a master without going through the suffering. There is no going around it.  Until one stops trying all the intricate way we have at our disposal to navigate around the hard work, little if anything is accomplished.  Rather than embrace our natural state, we run, really run, in the opposite direction.  We are like Forrest Gump.  “Run Forrest, Run!” Rather than sacrifice in place, we hightail it to the next pleasurable experience. Our lives are a serious of state changes.

“The only way to get to the bottom of it, is through the dark, bottomless pit”

In short, we suffer, we look for something, anything, to stop the suffering, and we move towards it and away from mastery. We are state change junkies. Rather than be Human Beings, we are Human State Changers.

It breaks out like this. A man feels bored so he masturbates. A woman feels bored so she shops. We all have free time and we watch television. Few are the men and women who will face the fire and stop moving. Few will sit in the place of boredom, or anger, or lust, and feel it through and through.

We are trained state change artists. Masturbating, shopping, eating, talking, internet, television, books, work, relationships, children, sleeping, workshops, movies, drinking, and (add your own) all serve as ways for us to change our state. We seem to want to walk a middle ground, stay in the same safe emotional range, and not sway too far from one side to the other. Not too happy and not too sad. Better to be in the safe middle part, because that part we know.

The path to enlightenment, to mastery, isn’t pretty. To quote Richard Rose:

Richard Rose - www.tatfoundation.org

“Look, if you ever want to discover anything of importance,” he said with great seriousness, “you’ve got to get this Pollyanna crap out of your heads. People think they can indulge in whatever whim overpowers them at the moment, and that somehow this ’spontaneity’ is going to transform them into a wonderful spiritual creature that God just can’t resist loving. This is nonsense.”

This action of changing state is the real killer.  It kills our birthright of freedom.  Why is it that when you buy a new car, you feel good?  Why is it that when your new car gets in an accident you feel bad?  What fucking difference does it make it the long run?  Why feel good or bad about anything?  How many times do we need to have an experience to recognize there is no special in special?  There is a puppet master pulling the strings and nobody sees the strings.

Here is a prayer I often use:

I am eternal

I am infinite

I am grateful

I am nothing

Nothing doesn’t burn

Every feeling is a learned behavior.  Certain things make you feel good, and certain things make you feel bad.  Doesn’t anybody want to dig even a little bit deeper and ask the question: Why?  What are the value systems that are in place?  Where did they come from?  You have money – Good.  You don’t have money – Bad.  Says who?  Why do we think we are any better or any happier than the guy who lives on the street with his shopping cart?

I need a little Thoreau right now:

Henry David Thoreau

As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler; solitude will not be solitude, poverty will not be poverty, nor weakness weakness.

Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other’s eyes for an instant?

Do not trouble yourself much to get new things, whether clothes or friends… Sell your clothes and keep your thoughts.

I see state change every where. Everyone is so uncomfortable with experiencing the present moment. At the heart of the this is the Ego. Rather than accept what the universe delivers to us, we move away. Rather than take the shortest path to mastery, we walk, no, we run, in the other direction.

I am reminded of the recommended solution for a partner that has betrayed and had sex with someone else. Rather than sit with the feelings, and figure out why it hurts as it does, we say “Go have sex with someone else.” State change. Yet, when you look at this situation in the objective light of day, if he or she wants to have sex with someone else, why not? If someone isn’t in to you, why do you want them to stick around. It makes no sense. Wish em well and send them off. But no, it would be better to go have sex with someone else as quickly as possible. Makes no sense.

We create these worlds of insulation, all to stay in the middle ground. Note to reader:

There ain’t nothin’ that happens in the middle ground. It all happens around the sharp and jagged edges.

Rather than saying to the universe: “Hit me with your best shot”, we run and hide and protect and cover up so that we don’t have to experience the uncomfortable. Where did we learn to run and hide (another way to say “state change”)?

I am not interested in people who, when I ask them how they are doing, say “Good” all the time. I am interested in my brothers and sister who are in the struggle, who are willing to feel the pain and not run from it. For me, these people are alive. Everyone else is dead, living in some prefabricated fantasy for which only the harshest of life experiences will create any sort of awakening.

We live in a world of zombies, all with the same goals, all with the same feelings, all with the same beliefs, all so shit sure they are living a full life. Where is the questioning? Where is the desire to know thyself? Where is the thrill of a life lived in the unknown?

I had an experience of Samadhi some four years ago. During those hours, it was made clear to me that this life is an illusion. The idea that we are separate beings seemed preposterous. I felt in that experience that I could die having achieved what I came here to do. It was a blessing and a curse, for now I am still here, seeing the world through unfiltered eyes. Part of me has wants to scream out at the top of my lungs, something like “Wake up!!!” There is another part of me that recognizes everything is as it is and that is just about perfect.  And.. there is yet another part of me that feels that any efforts on my part would be about as significant as farting in the wind.  We all have our own paths to follow.

Adi Da Samraj - www.adidam.org

The Divine Process is not magic. You must respond. Beings must respond. You must do the work. Otherwise, you are controlled by the structures of your own adaptation, and no great thing occurs. Adi Da

In the process of self exploration, something shifts which creates an opening, a focal point through which the universe can speak directly. The more I read and study, it seems this is the common experience. It isn’t light flashes and a permanent state of bliss. It isn’t anything really. It is discovering nothing. It is realizing that the ego is nothing more than a little voice of distraction. It is not me and it is not you. The ego is the gatekeeper, who keeps telling us to move towards the comfortable. The ego thrives in the comfortable. Life is lived on the edge, far from the comfortable. To get to the edge, stand still. It will find you. And so I walk my way through this existence, speaking to those who want to hear, and not caring one way or the other whether I am only talking to myself.

Osho - www.theleadershiphub.com

“My purpose is to deprogram you, to clean you, to uncondition you and leave you fresh, young, innocent. And from there you can grow into a real, authentic individual.”

And the only way to bring consciousness is to go on hammering from all the sides so that slowly slowly chunks of your mind go on dropping. The statue of a buddha is hidden in you. Right now you are a rock. If I go on hammering, cutting chunks out of you, slowly slowly the buddha will emerge.”

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You may subscribe via Email or via RSS (Really Simple Syndication).   Thanks.  Jay