Grail Labyrinth

I have the unmitigated pleasure of organizing a men’s event called The Grail this September in Sebastopol, California (only one of two events held this year in the US, and the only one on the west coast).  I have participated in four Grail events over the last 3 years.  Last year, in June, I organized The Grail in Santa Rosa, California.  The Grail is a men’s event, yet it was created and is delivered by women.  In total, 21 people participate in The Grail, 18 men and 3 women.  Of all the events and “things” I have participated in, and as a newly reformed workshop junkie, I can say with the utmost sincerity: The Grail is the real deal, and certainly the most beautiful of experiences I can imagine having.

Shining Light

During The Grail, each man undertakes his own rite of initiation (rite).  It is an intense period of self-discovery, self-annihilation, and rebirth.  Confidentiality prevents me from sharing the structure of the rite.  However, I will say that no man leaves unchallenged or disappointed.  We men love our challenges, and the rite is the mother of all challenges.  It is you and Her.  You can fight.  You can love.  You can dance.  You can spit in her face.  Most men are pretty damned pissed off and they want to let Her know.  And, as I have learned, it is not up to me to determine what will happen during my rite.  She is playing the game and leading the way.  The trick is surrender!  For those of us that keep coming back, we thrive on the opportunity to make love with the Divine Feminine.  I don’t know any place on the planet where this is so tangibly available.

Before going into why men do The Grail, I suppose the first question is “Why are women leading the event?”  Funny, this whole issue came up quite strongly during the last Grail in June.  “Why can’t the men do it on their own?”  The Grail is an initiation ritual.  What is unique about this event is the initiation is one into the realm of the Divine Feminine.  When looked at this way, considering the purpose of the event, it makes perfect sense that women lead the event and actively participate in all aspects of the event.  I’m a dude.  When it comes to the Divine Feminine, women, please, lead the way!  And they do, with passion, open hearted love, and compassion.

I am a being that intrinsically desires freedom.  Above love, above wisdom, above perception, I want to be free.  I demand to be free.  So when I feel anything that impinges on my freedom, I will take whatever steps are necessary to burn it and discard it.  My lack of freedom detector shows up as fear.  If I am afraid, and I let the fear stop me, I am not completely free.   As I look back over my Grail events, each one has revolved around my biggest fear, looking it straight in the eyes, surrendering to it, and stepping right through it.  That, my brothers and sisters, is a gift of the highest order.  I have seen over 100 rites of initiation, and each time, men and women push through their greatest fear.  To be in the presence of a being, who has courageously faced their greatest fear, and then keeps moving forward regardless, it is truly one of the most inspiring of sights.  It is an honor to be present in support and as a witness.

During my first Grail, I confronted the fear of living with an open heart.   I was very closed, very reserved, and very cautious.  I had been hurt badly in the past, and I didn’t want to feel that again.  But I did!  I distinctly remember during my first rite, how free I felt, both in my heart and in my body.  Never had I felt so alive.  Never had I felt such freedom to move my body.  No concerns.  No caution.  No worries.  It was all so natural and free flowing.  I screamed.  I cried.  I laughed.  And by God, I danced like a dervish on steroids in the most beautiful blue space devoid of gravity.  In that moment, I knew something unique had happened.  I knew some part of me had been unhinged, and that I would be back for more.

I also participate to experience the challenge of dealing with the unknown.  In my experience, you never really know what your Grail will be about until you arrive and get into the event.  It could be a longstanding challenge, or the event could be about something you hadn’t even considered.  At its essence, The Grail is about surrender.  As Morpheus in the movie “The Matrix” says to Neo as he is about to attempt a jump from one rooftop to another, “You have to let it all go, Neo.”  The Grail is that opportunity; it is boot camp for becoming Neo in your own life, for your woman and your children.

All enlightened, truth realized beings speak about the path.  They all agree that the path is one of negation.  That is, if some part of you is false, inauthentic, then you have to allow the falseness to burn in you till it is no more.  I have seen every man who has participated in The Grail deal with the most false aspect of himself.  It is magic really.  Every time for every man, whatever is up will rear its ugly head and invite you to take a wicked whack at it with a blood encrusted sword.  It is a beheading of the highest order.

Let’s not forget about the women.  In the height of my arrogance, I thought I knew all there was to know about women.  My God, could I have been anymore misguided.  Now, after 4 Grails, I have come to the place of knowing that I will never know, nor even have the slightest hint about the mystery we call women.  But during the Grail, I have been given such genuine gifts, insights, and direct feedback, that I am now at least trainable.  Recently I read a piece by the comedy writer, David Barry.  He writes about what he has learned during his first 50 years on Earth.  The last item he wrote was this:  “Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it’s up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.”  Let the stomping begin.

The brothers.  I love the men with whom I have share The Grail space.  I do not feel closer to any other men.  What we have shared is so special.  I have seen their darkest shit.  They have seen mine.  I have seen their most radiant glory.  And they mine.  The Grail calls out to men who are ready to make the leap.  Frankly, most men aren’t ready for it.  Fear grips hard.  Working with high priestesses is very intimidating.  You can run, but you can’t hide.  I am honored to have so many strong men to call my friends, my brothers.  I continue to participate in The Grail in large part to hang out and share with the men.  The quality of the men, the multi-dimensionality of the sacred space, and the power of the inspiring women, all contribute to the closest thing to heaven I have experienced.

There is one other thing I must say about the men who attend The Grail.  I never knew what real masculine intimacy was all about.  Sure, I have friends, I have my paternal brothers, and I have my men’s groups.  Still, in The Grail, there is a feeling of being with a group of men who have all returned from battle, each with his own wounds and missing limbs.  When all the social conditioning is stripped away, we men have such an opportunity to “be” with each other.  I am not embarrassed, nor reticent to say that I now love being a man.  I use to be afraid of men, intimidated by their power, and jealous of what they seemed to have that I didn’t.  No longer.  We men are the most amazing creatures.  We are strong, we are brilliant at manifesting, and we do a remarkable job of care taking for the feminine.  In The Grail, I learned to honor not only my masculine path, but the path of all men, be them saints, sinners, wise men or rapist.  Each man is me, and I am each man.

For each of us, the Divine Feminine lives, each in our own unique and exquisite way.  Whether you call it the Divine Feminine, God, The Mother, The Divine, The All, Consciousness, Bliss, or Supreme Intelligence, it is a force we all have to come to know, honor and respect.  It is our destiny, our birthright.  If you have experienced real tragedy, you may have dropped to your knees and prayed.  When you suffer a loss, in that moment when you don’t understand anything, there She is.  The Grail allows men to experience the Divine Feminine, in all her power and glory, through our bodies, through our spirit, and through our hearts.  It is top shelf stuff, not to be missed.